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The Changing Concepts of Love and Marriage in China Over 3 Decades
Feb 22, 2012By eChinacities.comEditor's note: Simply put, the same economic reforms that gradually transformed China from a stagnate planned economy into a global model of market capitalism during the last 30 years have also dramatically altered many of the foundations of Chinese society itself. Perhaps nowhere is this more evident than in the dramatic transformation of the Chinese concepts of love and marriage. Ridiculous as it may sound, an interesting way of tracking this transformation is to contrast Chinese personals ads over the last three decades. Subtle changes to the language used in the personals ads, the way people describe themselves, and what they are looking for in a significant other illustrate this transformation. The following article, translated and edited from an article that first appeared in Insight Magazine, is a depiction of three hypothetical personals ads taken from the perspective of someone in the 1980s, the 1990s, and the 2000s. Each example contains a "sample ad", a list of buzz words common to personals ads of that decade, and a brief explanation of the changing social trends present during that era.
Photo: flickr
The eighties: Looking for soul mates
Personals Ad: Female, 35 y/o, 1.6 m tall, Pleasant in appearance and personality, chaste and competent, fond of literature and art. Has own living quarters; works in [X] county in Guangxi Province. Looking for: 40 y/o, 1.7 m tall, similar in culture and appearance, honest and upright, holds professional ambitions, steadfast and honest, employed male.
Buzz words: fond of literature and art, professional ambitions, good-natured, honest and upright
In the 1980s, young people were just emerging from the long shadow of the politicized marriage, and they were no longer as concerned with family background (such as social and political status), however the "party member" political identity was still highly regarded. During this decade, material conditions were not yet abundant anywhere in China, and the income of a potential spouse's wasn't the biggest concern – being "honest and upright" and "good-natured" were the most simple values to take into consideration. The 1980s was also the golden age for China's "literary youth" – a group of knowledgeable, young Chinese people who embraced an artistic and spiritual way of life. For both men and women, a "fondness of literature and art" was much sought in a potential spouse.
During the eighties, Chinese were still primarily concerned with the stability and longevity of a marriage, hence the reason that so many personals ads from this era show that people were looking for a spouse who was "motivated " and "ambitious". However, this traditional concept of marriage was radically transformed by the second Marriage Law (《婚姻法》), which was passed in 1980. Under this law, for the first time in China, husbands and wives who had "fallen out" with each other could legally get divorced. The option of divorce would completely shatter the traditional marriage values of "stability" and "faithful unto death" in Chinese society.
The nineties: The rich husband and the beautiful wife
Personals Ad: Successful PhD, world-class high-tech specialist, with investments in US and China, handsome and in good physical shape, family-oriented, open and honest, divorced but child free. Seeking under 30 y/o, over 1.6 m tall, college educated, attractive, talented, gentle disposition, far-sighted, wishing to see the world, pure and chaste unmarried girl. Send a recent photo (non-artistic) to [X]...
Buzz words: fair skinned beauty, economic-based career, studied high-tech industry, studied abroad
Although fairy tales may have us believe it, no marriage is only about love; in reality, there are many other complications to take into consideration. Especially in the 1990s, as China's rich-poor gap gradually widened, economic factors played a central role in choosing a spouse. As compared to the somewhat vague/ideal factors of the eighties –"entrepreneurial" and "ambitious" – in the personals ads of the nineties, women were looking for a husband who was a "business manager", "economically strong", had "returned from working overseas" or other traits that would provide them with direct material benefit. Such lofty requirements set on the husband, were returned full force on the wife; that is to say, the economically successful man wanted a young and beautiful wife, leading to the "talented man - beautiful woman" (郎才女貌) marriage model of the nineties, punned above as "rich man – beautiful woman" (郎"财"女貌).
In the nineties, as money and material things became the indispensable requirements for marriage in China, it was no longer seen as taboo for wealthy (older) men to marry (young) women for their "beauty" instead of their "brains". As this generation began to pay more attention to financial status, people too began to revert to more basic considerations in a marriage partner, considerations which were far less rooted in the political.
The noughts: money doesn't always buy love
Personals Ad: Beijing girl (北京MM), Born in 1986, 1.68 m tall, independent, college graduate, employed at a state-owned enterprise, works in administration, good relations with parents, optimistic personality. I care about my spouses' character, how he deals with emotions, sound in mind and body, respects elders, attended university, has stable job with the opportunity to advance professionally, values married life, doesn't live with his parents.
Buzz words: "left behind" men and women (剩男剩女), has a house and no debt, money worship (拜金), humorous, affectionate
Since the turn of the century, especially after 2005, the paper-based personals ad has been phased out by numerous ridiculously profitable online dating websites. In "the noughts", one could say that there are no longer any real "standards" for marriage – the traditionalist marriage requirements were dispelled in the 1980s, and newer ones have yet to be firmly established. Case in point: although there are still numerous instances of money over love – as hilariously conveyed by Ma Nuo (马诺) on the dating show "If You are the One" (非诚勿扰) with her scathing rejection of a potential suitor: "I'd rather cry in a BMW car than laugh on the backseat of a bicycle" – the noughts have also seen many young people who are willing to opt for naked weddings, which wholly reject the notion that money is more important that love. These "naked"couples are part of an on-going social phenomenon in China, wherein, the hyper-expansion of materialism that has been constantly bombarding the Chinese youth is now having a regressive effect: it has caused physical exhaustion and an emotional void, and more and more couples, longing for a stronger emotional attachment, are more likely to overlook economic factors…
However, although "feelings" are back in the game, economic requirements are not entirely off the hook – the marriage house (and the problems that come from it) now plays such a central role to many marriages, that a new judicial interpretation of "property ownership" was recently added to the Marriage Law.
Source: readtx
Related links
Dreading Your Wedding: Chinese Women and the Pressure to Marry
Marriage is a Grave: Attitudes to Love in Modern China
China's Marriage Crisis: 5000 Divorces a Day!
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An interesting article but of course has to be too generalised to avoid being long and boring. Attitudes have, of course, changed in all countries over the past 30 years, and more, but perhaps more significantly so in China than anywhere else.
From my experience, one thing that has not changed is the pressure from parents to "marry before it is too late", and I believe this is a significant factor in the rising divorce rate.
Young people still do care very much for love, caring, and understanding from a potential spouse, so these are requirements along with a sound economic footing.
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As the Chinese hurtle headlong into rampant capitalism and materialism there is no surprise in this article.
Parents have always wanted their children to marry into money, even "western" money. It used to be a "dowry" now a man is expected to buy a house for his brides parents.
Witness to the rural male heading for the city to accumulate enough money to wed a woman back in his village.
Divorce rates are rising and will eventually be on a par with those in the west . Men are working longer and harder to buy such things as roofs over their heads. They will see less and less of their wives as this situation continues.
The older generation also expect their children, especially girls to marry early. This will change as it has in the west when these women choose a career ahead of children.
Woe betide couples who cannot have children or choose not to. These are the true lepers of chinese society, particularly conditioned by the older generation.China is changing and in my view, not for the better.
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this article is truly interesting, at the first glance, I consider the 80s,90s,00s, are the birth decade, but marry time.
a popular buzz cross the net remained in my mind, beauty girls attend in dating show, ordinary rise child and ugly, model as feng jie & furong jie, eminent over the net!
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My girlfriend and I (both Westerners) are constantly being asked when we're going to marry. We've joked about it a few times, but have decided not to do so any time soon. The only thing that halts the Chinese diatribe on marriage (in our experience) is saying how expensive it is, e.g, my gf pulled a figure out of her ass (60,000rmb), saying that's what a wedding costs back home. The reply was, 'Yes, but that includes the house?'. When we said that it didn't the questions stopped immediately. I think we were looked upon with pity. Hilarious.
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I love it
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Very interesting article. I can pretty much agree. I am American and my wife is Chinese. We are near retirement age. Love and a happy home is my wife's desire. It's something we spoke about many times during our thousands of emails. Eventually I was satisfied that she was not after money but love, respect and a happy home. That we have and it's wonderful. She was very aware and with disgust told me how especially one of her friends looking for a husband was looking for a rich husband. Oddly my wife understood the pitfalls of such a marriage. My wife is extremely wise and intelligent and that certainly has made a difference.
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I am convinced my lovely chinese wife to be does not want my money...i don't have any anyway.she calls me every day from china cause it's cheaper for her.she sent me a chinese love song which she sang &nd arranged the background....beautiful.she has a good job&her own home.i have my own home&a military pension.i have a winner.i love her.i m keepin
her til my bones are dust bein sucked in2 an event horizon
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Chinese women should stop wasting all their money on shopping and start saving for the future.
A MAN IS NOT A FINANCIAL PLAN!
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