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Calamity China: 5 Common Expat Injuries
Jan 19, 2012By Alastair Dickie, eChinacities.comForeigners have quite the reputation for clumsiness in China. In fact, this is such a universally acknowledged truth that it is even part of the daily commute. Snippets from home video accident shows in the West are shown regularly between news bulletins on public busses in China, much to the merriment of their sardine-packed occupants. Probably under the title of "Foreigners Do the Funniest Things." However, once the initial "this is blatant propaganda" knee-jerk response fades, you realise that foreigners are actually incredibly accident-prone in China. The litany of knocks, wounds, ailments and injuries accumulated by any group of expats is truly alarming.
So, excluding digestive disagreements with the Middle Kingdom (for the sake of brevity), and focusing solely on the physical scrapes, let us take a look at the five most common expat injuries.
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1) Slips, Trips and Tumbles
China is rather fond of its tiling. Unfortunately, the twin evils of rain and poor construction quality combine to make tiles really treacherous surfaces for people to walk upon. Tiles are laid unevenly, jutting out at devious angles waiting for a wrongly placed shoe before collapsing beneath your feet. Moreover, whenever there is rain (and South China receives regular typhoons) this already perilous surface is coated in a thin, slippery sheen of water that makes walking all but impossible. I have seen friends trip, slip, fall and hospitalise themselves so badly they have had to be repatriated. And for those only slightly less injured, China isn't exactly disability-friendly yet. Try getting to your sixth-floor dorm on crutches…
2) Vehicular Misadventures
Foreigners are not good at dealing with traffic in China. I am still unsure whose fault it is, but whatever the case, we just don't seem to get it. The most common mishaps are on the bus, when an awkward fall precedes an intimate encounter with your nearest grabbable passenger, as the vehicle suddenly brakes to avoid a pedestrian, who decided that a six-lane highway was not a road but a challenge. If no passenger is there to cushion your fall, the metal poles are usually happy to oblige.
Next are the lower leg injuries inflicted by motorbikes; either those driving on the sidewalk and clipping your shins, or the special moto-taxis that run over your toes in their haste to scramble for their next fare. Walking down the street can sometimes turn into an elaborate, reflex dance for survival.
Last are the whiplash injuries caused by taxi rides. Due to a blessed aversion to speed in China (when compared to the West), most of these are not too bad, but many a foreigner can attest to a rather acute neck pain the night after an overly-enthusiastic cabby took him home.
3) Massage Parlour Mishaps
You come to China, you get massages. That's the deal. Don't believe all the sniggering and sly winking; many massage parlours in China are 100% legitimate. Unfortunately, chances are you've never had a massage before and you have absolutely no idea a) what you've signed up for and b) what's supposed to happen.
In my experience, the most common injuries come from a misunderstanding between the masseur and the unknowing expat. "This is comfortable, yes?" is quite easily replied to as "Yes, yes, that is much too hard, please stop," and the number of times foreigners have signed up for strange and unusual treatments (flaming suction cups or candle wax in the ears anyone?) only to come away bruised and battered is very depressing. The scrapes, scars and tender parts about a foreigners' person all point to not knowing your shūfu from your shāngtòng.
4) Bad Beds
I once bought what I thought was a very nice bamboo rug for my dorm-room floor. Three days later a fellow teacher came over, took one look at it, fixed me with the most quizzical look and asked me why I was sleeping on the floor. The Chinese like bamboo. For sleeping. They also like their beds with a texture akin to a concrete slab. The therapeutic benefits of a hard bed are well documented, but we Westerners are soft, and therefore like our mattresses to be the same. Second to "where am I?", "my back hurts" is the most commonly uttered phrase I have heard from fellow expats in China. If the bamboo sheets aren't messing with us, then the extra mattress covers, so pliant as be semi-permeable, certainly are. Lose, lose.
5) Height Hazards
These are usually the most embarrassingly hilarious, for both Westerner and native Chinese. Stereotypes are a touchy subject, but I think I can get away with saying that, on average, Chinese people are a little shorter than Westerners. On average. Unfortunately, upon entering and exiting Chinese buildings (in particular stairwells) foreigners sometimes forget this. To hugely comical effect. A local person, possessed of an already healthy dose of stereotypes about foreigners, is only going to have his suspicions confirmed after seeing a six foot plus laowai nursing the top of his head after an erroneous judgement of a doorway's vertical clearance. Which makes it even worse…
Related links
7 Things in China that Could Kill You
Expat Stereotyping: 7 Different Types of Foreigners in China
Do You Feel Safe? A Look at Violence in China
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In British connected countries of course we drive on the left and from birth we are told to look right then left then right again. Try that in China , you wont last long.
On buses it is essential when standing to hold onto the metal poles. Bus drivers every where jump on their brakes for amusement[?]They are much worse drivers than taxi drivers.
The only other thing that can seriously damage your health is the local beer tsing tao.
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Good article. Especially the point about massage parlours. I've had my muscle pulled there many times..lol
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On the bad bed, i think most mattresses arent that comfortable to most foreigners. I do get neck and waist pain most atimes when i woke up in the morning because the mattress when used for a while will just sink down at the center do to the fact that its not all made with foam. The foam it has isnt enough to let it last long.
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What a crock. Did you just pull these out of a hat, or you have some factual evidence for this list and this purported propensity for "injury"?
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It ISN'T a crock, Archie... (btw Are u even IN China?) The article nails most of the big dangers. For mine, the unevenness of walking surfaces nearly everywhere is the main hazard. And manholes... Never assume that work crews will cover a manhole after they've finished in it! And China is so dark at night.....Even in bigger cities, there is a paucity of street lighting. It's worth bearing in mind too that they're not big on personal injury compensation payouts here. You can try and sue someone but who can be bothered with all the drama? So be careful out there!
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Yep. I've been in China for the best part of the last four years. Firstly living in the DongBei, and now living in Jiangsu. And amongs my wide grou of expat friends, I have known nobody to be inflicted with any of the above mentioned injuries, other than those sustained while partaking in sports (namely skiing and football). Where is it that you come to the conclusion that "Foreigners have quite the reputation for clumsiness in China" from?
From my experiences with Chinese as both a teacher, a classmate and now an employee in a Chinese company, most of these people think westerners are athelctic, fit and much more coordinated and into sports than the Chinese.
Perhaps you just know a lot of clumsy people?
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I find it funny that these incredibly unco-ordinated and unathletic people could consider US clumsy. God, the amount of people falling on wet pavement here alone is enough to keep Bob Saget in gags for a decade
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Hello foreigners!some things is certain in China.they are not willing to accept a fault and claim to be at right all the time.the country is just a regrettable place to live.well they need to thank God for foreigners living here.they claim to be like the west but i wonder if this will take them billion of years to educate them selves in every thing.
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Clumsy foreigners? Check out the emergency room at the local hospitals to see how many Chinese are there because of the same issues. On the bus and subway I am usually the solid thing the Chinese cling to. I try to teach them surfing techniques to stay stable on both.
If you are injured don't leave the area (stay right where you are injured), asked for help and have a police officer come to take a report before going to a hospital. If it is in a public location the city will cover the medical bill, private company they have to cover the bill. If you don't get the police report first you pay and it will be very expensive especially what we seem as a regular injury like broken limb is complicated. (Won't go into that on here.)
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